Readings
Romans 13:8-10
Owe no one anything, except to love one
another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. The
commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder;
You shall not steal; You shall not covet’; and any other
commandment, are summed up in this word, ‘Love your neighbour as
yourself.’ Love does no wrong to a neighbour; therefore, love is
the fulfilling of the law.
Matthew 18:15-20
‘If another member of the church sins
against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are
alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But
if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so
that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three
witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the
church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let
such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector. Truly I tell
you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever
you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell
you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be
done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are
gathered in my name, I am there among them.’
Church discipline?
I
realised, as I was putting this together, that I have
consistently dodged a bullet in all my years of ordained ministry.
Alison
and I are normally on holiday at the beginning of September, so I
have never preached on these words about church discipline before.
So
there is a sense of trepidation and crossed fingers about what follows...
How
we read these words from Jesus will depend on whether we have read
the rest of the chapter in
which they fall and
on whether our understanding of Christianity is one of radical
hospitality or of excluding those we
deem to be beyond the pale. Note
the emphasis on the word 'we'. God may have other ideas.
Let me give you an example of what I mean by that.
At
another church that I used to belong to we became aware of a
newcomer. He was a quiet man who kept himself to himself but was
always pleasant yet with that sense of not being terribly sure that
it was OK for him to be there. Gradually
the vicar and I got to know him a little better and eventually he
said to me, 'Paul, can I speak to you Would you come and visit me?' So
we made a date in our diaries and around I went. We
did the usual small talk and then he told me quite simply that he wanted to be
honest with me and tell me that he was gay and was that going to be a
problem with him coming to church. I
assured him that of course it wouldn't be, and my apologies if he had
ever thought that might be an issue for us. He
explained that he had been a Christian for many years and used to
belong to another church, but when he had spoken about his sexuality
to the minister he was immediately
made subject to church discipline. Ultimately he was told
to repent or leave. Knowing
that sexual orientation is not something that can be changed, he
left, and
for some time had nowhere to worship until he came to us.
The
church that had thrown him out had a clear policy on what was
acceptable, and they therefore felt that they could essentially
excommunicate anyone who didn't stay within those boundaries. The
question I would want to ask is, where is the grace in that? You see
in reality this passage is not about exclusion but about love and
grace. This
is not about giving us carte blanche to judge people as having
behaviour unbefitting a Christian and therefore exclude them in a fit
of self-righteousness. If
we know any history at all we should be aware that many of our
so-called Christian values are little more than cultural norms. Look
at the people who have been excluded in the past, such as those whose
marriages have failed, and who we include now and you'll see what I
mean.
Instead,
when we see the context of
this chapter we
realise it's to do with love, community, humility and grace. Chapter
18 begins with the
disciples asking who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven. Jesus
responds
by putting a small child in front of them and telling them that this
is how they should be if they want to
enter the kingdom of heaven. And
perhaps the key point in the verses that lead on from that narrative
are about how
we should not be putting
stumbling blocks in the ways
of others but
examining
our
own lives very carefully.
And
then after the story in this section we have the Jesus answering
a question Peter has about how often he should keep forgiving someone
by telling him that if it's forgiveness then he shouldn't be keeping
score. Finally in chapter 18 we have the story of the slave who
was forgiven an enormous debt but couldn't find it in his heart to
forgive a small one of a fellow slave.
So
the
church is meant to be a place of care, of love and of hospitality,
especially for those in need, with children being the example Jesus
uses to illustrate this.With that as the backdrop, what then are we to make about these
verses regarding church discipline?
Well
firstly this is meant to be about restoration. If
we believe we are the injured party then we should seek out the
person who has hurt us and try to sort it out. Not
in an accusing way, but simply so that a matter can be laid to rest.
I can't tell you how grateful I have been for those who, when not
sure if they agree with something I've said, have asked to talk it
through with me.
There
is no space left here for us to just leave a wound to fester. We
are supposed to take it seriously when there are problems, and we are
meant to seek out a way for there to be a reconciliation.
If
the person who has wronged us won't listen we are to take a couple of witnesses.
The reason for that is that we are a part of a community of believers.
Something that happens to one of us happens to all of us. We
might also think in terms of the two witnesses being there to provide
wise counsel. Most
of us will be aware of situations when we have perceived a slight
against us, only to discover it to have been a complete
misunderstanding. And sometimes it takes a trusted and wise friend
to say, 'Hold up. Before you go off on one, are you sure that's what
so-and-so actually meant?' Even
in our anger at how we are treated we are to be a part of the
community so that wise members can guide us.
And
finally, if two witnesses cannot resolve the problem, then maybe we
need the help of the whole church. But
all the way through this, what remains at the heart of the process is
love. As St. Paul put it in the first reading, 'Love is the
fulfilling of the law'. All
the way through this has been about loving someone. But what happens
if that love isn't reciprocated? What
if someone doesn't get it? What
if someone is just simply using you, or us for
their own ends?
Many
years ago I was in a youth group. We
were multi-denominational with United Reform, Anglican, Baptist and
Roman Catholics all mixed in, and the leadership drew from across the
churches too. The
provided us with wise counsel and did their best to adhere to
Biblical principles. So
when a new person came along and tried to become a leader they
treated him with grace and listened to him, until that point that it
suddenly became clear that it wasn't leadership he was wishing to
offer, but the attention of the younger women that he wished to
attain. In
very short order he was dismissed as the leaders exercised their
duty
of care for us.
Church
discipline is extremely difficult to manage, and so for me it has
come down to love and grace. From
time to time I hear stories of how people might talk of someone in a
position of responsibility in church who perhaps doesn't live up to
their ideal of a good Christian. My
response to that would be, 'Well
maybe they're just simply less good at hiding their faults than you
are!'
None
of us deserve
a position of responsibility, and I promise you this, anyone who
thinks they do is not worthy of it. All
of us minister to each other under grace. I'm
not 'worthy'
of being a priest.
I'm not more holy than anyone else in the congregation. It is simply the calling that God
has given me, but I stand in the pulpit or behind the altar because
of the grace of God in
the midst of my own mess.
But
when someone has self-interest or maliciousness in their heart,
rather than just plain old sin-in-need-of-grace, then we need to ask questions, and that I think is what
Jesus is giving us space for.
If
there has been a misunderstanding or misspoken word or careless
deed, then a gentle approach will usually fix it. But
if there is malicious intent, then even a whole church won't be able
to put it right, and then the community needs to protect itself and
I think that's what Jesus leads up to.
I
read an interesting story about a minister
who had a conman come to the church she led. So
she pulled him to one side after a service and took him out for a
drink. She told him that she knew exactly who he was and what his
track record was, and so he was welcome to come and be a part of the
church and to be a loving and loved member of the community. But if
he tried to use people he would be in deep trouble. He
actually responded to her tough love and toed the line she told him
not to cross. Love
requires honesty.
However,
it's
not always going to be like that and so
I now want to add a caveat to this. Jesus
makes it clear that
ultimately there
are limits to how far we can
go in seeking reconciliation. If someone will not accept
responsibility for what they have done or are doing, then we may need
to take a step back from
them for our own sake.
Many
years ago, when I was in training, I was linked with a group of
people who were looking at the relationship between psychology and
Christianity. They were based at the Divinity Faculty at Cambridge
University and together produced a series of videos under the name of
'Beta' about how who we are affects what we believe. One
of the videos was about forgiveness and they made the point that the
old saying 'Forgive and Forget' has
potential to be psychologically damaging.
God
may well be able to do this, and indeed this is what divine
forgiveness is actually like, but for the rest of us we need to
consider how we might actually need to remember what has been done
when
someone has deliberately hurt us in
order to protect ourselves from it happening again.
Sometimes,
if we are wise, we can see that it is not always as simple as
forgiving someone, because that person may well have
it in their heart to
hurt us again, and again, and again. And
you or I may well, by the grace of God, be able to forgive that
person, but we may well also have to walk away from them and have
nothing more to do with them. With
sadness and a heavy heart I've occasionally had to do this for the
sake of my own sanity, and I'm saying this because I want you to
know that after
having read this passage,
I believe it is OK to do so. If
you have a family member or a friend or acquaintance who just keeps
hurting you, in whatever way it is, by all means try and forgive
them, but for your own sake, allow
yourselves to walk
away if
you can see no way to resolve it. Ultimately we have to be responsible for our actions.
So
with the grace and help of God we can forgive, and go on forgiving.
But there are limits to our ongoing involvement with a destructive
personality. And
ultimately I think this may have echoes in how God treats us too. Thankfully
God forgives, and goes on forgiving us, and there is nothing we can
do to hurt God. But
we can grieve the Holy Spirit. So we need to look to ourselves
because if we deliberately we hurt another, and go on hurting them, we should not be
surprised if the voice of God goes quiet in our own hearts.
Sometimes, as a last resort, a shock like that is the last tool God
has available to bring us back to our senses.
But
in the weave of everyday life, let us talk,let us love and let us forgive, because
that is the higher path.
